The Gift I Almost Didn’t Get

So here we are: almost Christmas. Where has the time gone? We’ve been through many nights of  very little sleep, days full of holding babies and helping a four year old with art projects and card-making and all the other little artistic adventures of preschoolers. I have thought of writing so many times, when my hands were full, when my to-do list seemed overwhelming, when another feeding called, when I collapsed into bed out of sheer exhaustion. I have had so little time and most of that has been spent finishing up the Christmas t0-do list, when I’d rather be writing or enjoying my baby.

Christmas is extra special this year despite the lack of time and sleep. New babies are a miracle and I can only imagine Mary’s joy at holding her baby. But it is not just our baby’s birth that’s a miracle, adoption is equally a sweet gift, an unexplainably beautiful journey, one that takes a difficult circumstance and turns it into something beautiful. Our birthmother almost chose abortion when she believed she didn’t have any other way out. Thanks to the work of a crisis pregnancy center, they talked her into choosing adoption. At our first meeting we met at that same pregnancy center and I remember walking in and looking at the hopeful faces of the people who worked there. I did not know at the time how they had been an integral part of our birthmother’s choice. I feel indebted to them. But even more I see the Lord’s hand in the whole process, leading our birthmother to us through a chain of people that I will never know, but always be grateful for. This is grace. And when I look in my baby’s face, I see the gift God has given me and I feel his mercy raining down on me. That’s what Christmas is about.

Sleep in heavenly peace…and have a wonderful Christmas.

1 Month Old

{First,  my apologies for not posting something earlier.  I have been trying to adjust to a new schedule; one that does not permit me much time on the computer, but lovely amounts of time spent solely with our new baby.}

We are enjoying the days here, even though life has taken a hectic pace of constant feeding and diapering of our baby. It is a good life and one I will remember with fondness–the little clothes, the baby grunts and scrunched up faces, the smell of lotion, the soft swirl of hair on the top of his head–all those memories in the early months of infanthood.  I am not getting much sleep, but I know that some day down the road I will forget the many hours I spent awake in the middle of the night and only remember the sweetness of holding a sleeping infant in my arms.

1st week with Baby

There’s nothing like a baby in your life to put things in perspective.  The essentials of life are all I am striving for in these busy first days: enough sleep to function, a shower helps me feel human, and food gets on the table because of the goodness of others.  I’m enjoying just holding him these days, remembering how quickly my daughter flew through the early days of sleepiness, on to fussiness and teething and moving around.  These days are special, but it’s hard not to look around the house and see all the work that needs to be done.  I am trying to be forgiving to myself.  I can’t get much done.  It’s not a bad thing. Because in the end, what I’ll always remember is not how dirty my house was, but how much I loved holding my newborn baby.

Adjusting to home…

We’re finally home.  It’s so good to finally be a family together…

Here is Baby S ready to head home in the outfit made especially for him by his Aunt Emma.

Don’t let this face fool you…he really does like the sweater.

E is enjoying being the big sister and playing Baby S during the few moments that he’s awake.

E is practicing being a big sister by singing a made up song to calm down her little brother.  She is singing, “I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you…”

We’ve started working on his GQ pose.  I think he’s got it.

These shots crack me up.  They look like he’s a politician reminiscing about his 3 decades in politics.  “So I said to Nixon…”

“And we both had a good laugh about that…ha, ha, ha…”

“But seriously…Nixon, thought that…”

“And I said…”

But, I think he’s really going to be a singer…check out these lungs!

Up, up and away…

Our beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, boy.  We love you.

Hello Silas Scott Ira…!

We are proud to announce the arrival of our son, Silas Scott Ira…!  He is 6.3lbs and 19″ long.  After a 7 hr labor he entered the world at 1:53PM today with singing lungs, big feet and his fist in his mouth.  (Looks like he’s going to fit right in with our family)  Right now, he’s eaten twice and slept quite a bit so we’ll see how the night goes!  We’ll be at the hospital until Sunday afternoon and then head home to adjust to our new family of four.

That is all on the condition of everything going according to plan.  Tomorrow our birth-mom will sign the release forms making everything official so while we are overjoyed today, there is always the possibility that we go back to square one if things don’t turn out.  That is part of the up and down roller-coaster ride of adoption.

But until then we are going to focus on what we have.  Here are a few snapshots of the momentous day…

Here he is…4 min old!

6.3 lbs!

Mama is washing him off from the hard day.

Asleep…and secretly giving his gang sign.

Isn’t he beautiful?

Softly sleeping.

Our beautiful, little boy.

Feeding #2!

Thanks to everyone who has been praying and supporting us through this whole process.  After asking for Baby Si and waiting so long, we believe he is a true gift from God.

At the hospital

We’re at the hospital and the contractions are now a few minutes a part.  They are going to break her water soon and hopefully things will go quickly after that.  Even though it took a little longer to get to sleep last night, I did have a decent half night’s sleep.  The birthmom could only sleep for an hour and a half because she was nervously anticipating today.  I had my coffee and now I’m ready to cheer on the birthmom in labor.  Prayers for the birthmother and baby are much appreciated.  We are excited, nervous, hopeful and about to burst with joy.  Hope to update soon with more news!

Life is about to get crazy

Today I found out the time of induction: 6:00 AM–which is so much better than the original time of 4:30 AM.  At least 6:00 AM is morning time, whereas 4:30 AM is still the middle of the night and not yet a decent time to be awake, unless you are over 75 and take at least two naps a day.  That is just my opinion.

The bad news is that the doctor said it could be a long labor–possibly 24 hours long because she showed no signs of progression since last week.  I’m not sure what to make of all that, but no creature should be in labor 24 hours.  And on top of that she can’t eat the whole time.  So she said she is going to eat a bag of chocolate doughnuts before she goes to the hospital since she has no idea how long it will be until she gets to eat.  Here she is, this little petite thing, eating a whole bag of doughnuts at 5-ish in the morning before going in for a potential 24 hour labor.  Now that might make me sick, but apparently not her. I guess I won’t give her my gift basket of snacks and treat until after labor, or we might really have a problem.

So I’m packing and wondering how it is possible that my whole world is going to turn upside down in a day and yet feels so completely normal today.  It is unreal to think I will be in a hospital delivery room tomorrow cheering on a girl I’ve only been in contact with for two months who’s about to deliver our child. Weird, huh?  Sometimes adoption is like that.  But so is living life.  That’s what makes life exciting.  When life is only normal, we miss out on the extraordinary.

Adoption is an extraordinary adventure.  I can’t wait to share it with you.

 

 

No news…yet

For those of you eagerly waiting for news, I wanted to let you know that there is no news.  We are waiting for the phone call. Birthmom will be induced Thursday night or Friday morning. If it’s Friday morning, then it will be 4:30 AM.  Yes, they choose 4:30 AM of all the times!  Couldn’t we just do 9:00 AM?  You know,  a nice normal time when people are actually awake?  That means we’ll be leaving for the hospital at 3:00 AM.  I guess I’ll get part of a night’s sleep.  That is, if I can sleep at all.

Twenty four hours after baby is born the papers will be signed making us the legal parents of this child.  Up until that point, she could change her mind at any time. Let me tell you, it will be a nail biter for us.

But at this point, I’m just ready to welcome this baby into the world. Less than 3 days to go!

 

 

How do you afford adoption?

After five years and two adoptions, I still have people asking me the question that seems to be on everybody’s mind: HOW DO YOU AFFORD ADOPTION?

Do NOT assume that :

A. we are rich

B. we have $15,000 sitting around in savings and were not sure what to do with it.

Unfortunately, these are the things that people assume, even when they are not true. Most of the time I get this question from people who can’t seem to believe that average people can afford to adopt.  It is asked by people who are not interested in adoption and are more likely just curious as to how we did it because we don’t live in a McMansion or drive BMW’s.  Don’t get me wrong, if someone is seriously considering adoption and wants to know more about our financial plan for adoption, I’m happy to share it with them.  We have afforded adoption the same way that average people afford cars, college, mortgages, preschool, private school and more.  The answer is living on a tight budget, working extra jobs, saving income every month (and not using that money for other things) and through the kind donations of others, as well as grants from various places.  It is NOT easy. It takes hard work, time, and perseverance.

If you are tempted to ask how someone affords adoption, consider some of the same questions:

How do you afford to buy your own house? Answer: a combination of saving for a down payment and applying for a loan.

How do you afford a new car?  Savings and possibly a loan, depending on the type of car.

How do you afford preschool, day care, private school, private lessons, sports clubs, etc.?  You save for it.  You work it into your budget.

How do you send your child to college? Savings, extra jobs, loans and more.

So how does someone afford adoption?  The exact same way.  Savings. Loans (there are low interest loans specifically for adoption), and adoption grants.  Although we have not taken out a loan for our adoption, that is God’s grace.  He has provided some other means for us, including grants and donations.

Most people give up before seriously considering adoption because the cost is overwhelming.  I find that ironic, since those same people go out and buy “toys” for themselves that cost significant cash: cars, motorcycles, and more and yet those costs do not overwhelm them.  Yet compare the two and ask yourself: How long will a car last? Ten years, fifteen years, if that?

How long will my child be a part of my family?  Forever.

I was very frustrated yesterday when someone close to me (who has witnessed me working 3 different jobs for this adoption) said “How are you affording this?” Deciding to adopt is not like deciding to have a baby.  You have to come up with a financial plan long before you actually begin the process.  Anticipate that it will take you several years (unless you have a well stocked savings) to actually adopt a child.  You also should have at least one stable income to live on that pays all your regular bills and expenses, so that any extra jobs you take on can be put into savings.  We started with nothing when we started this adoption.  We came up with a financial plan.  God provided me with several jobs that really helped us save the money.  He provided us with other sources too, including private donations, a grant and a donation from church.

Adoption is a calling and if you have been called, God will provide you with the means.  It’s not easy.  And it sure is a faith builder!  It may mean taking on extra jobs that make you feel stressed and busy.  It means wondering how you will save enough.  It means that once you’ve paid your adoption expenses you might not have much left in your savings which makes you feel vulnerable (which is where we’re at!)  But if you are called to this, and have prayed about it and feel He is leading you to do this, it’s something that God will provide for.  You do not need to be wealthy or have anything in savings.  It’s a financial commitment that means saying no to other things you really want, in order to bring a special child of God’s choosing into your family.  When you follow that call, there is nothing more valuable.  I’m starting to learn what God can do when I have an open mind and a little bit of faith.

Just a little longer

It’s two weeks until the baby is due and I have that uncertain feeling that I need to get a long list of things done or risk never getting them done again.  I am excited about the baby.  But I also remember what a newborn is like.  I remember what it’s like to feel like getting a shower is an accomplishment. Or getting more than 3 hours of sleep at a time.  Or actually feeling like my head is clear enough to form a sentence.

My first mother’s day was May 2006.  My daughter was six months old.  I went to church that morning and should have been leaping for joy at finally getting to experience a Mother’s Day personally, instead I was in a sleepy daze while everyone said their “congratulations” to me.   I only half-experienced the holiday in my tired stupor.  That was pretty much my whole first year of motherhood as we went from ear infection, to teething, to more teething, to one year molars.  My daughter really didn’t regularly sleep through the night until those molars were in and then I finally could experience more than one full night of sleep in a row.  It was pure bliss after a year of getting out of bed round the clock.

So it’s with those memories that I excitedly face the next few weeks of possibility. I can’t wait.  Yet at the same time, I’m trying to work through an impossible to-do list that leaves me worn out.  It’s no wonder I’m having trouble focusing on anything these days.

I know that the baby will come at just the right time, whether the to-do list is finished or not.  I know I will be ready whether I feel ready or not.  That is the beauty of life.  The unexpected knocks at our door and we answer it whether we want to or not.  Until then, I keep waiting and working.